Inside the investigation: Why Gerard Baden-Clay murdered his wife Allison

 

Inside the investigation: Why Gerard Baden-Clay murdered his wife Allison

Inside the investigation: Why Gerard Baden-Clay murdered his wife Allison

Inside the investigation: Why Gerard Baden-Clay murdered his wife Allison

he tried to portray himself as mr.

middle-class a successful small

businessman proud father and loving and

devoted husband

but the real Jared Bain clay was the

complete opposite

he was an incompetent real estate agent

intolerant of his three young daughters

and a womanizer who wasn't even faithful

to his long-term mistress but why Jared

been clay thought all his problems could

be fixed by killing his beautiful wife

Alison only he knows so far he's not

saying but after being convicted of

murder this past week he now has a

lifetime in prison to think about it

[Music]

let's be upfront from the start Tony

McHugh is not the first person to fall

in love and have a relationship and

affair if you prefer with a married man

and she won't be the last but leaving

her own partner and children to be

involved with Jared Baden clay for four

years is the worst mistake she's ever

made for evermore shall be known as the

other woman and inexorably linked to the

murder of Alison Baden clay it is fair

to describe you as a mistress isn't

that's how yes yes it is but I believed

that I wasn't I wasn't that person for

Jared what did you believe you were I

believed that I was in a loving caring

relationship that did have a future even

though he was a married man yes even

though he was a married man how much did

you love him or how much do you love him

I loved him very much

do you still love him I don't like to

use that word unconditional anymore but

I did love him unconditionally you know

was very forgiving too forgiving

[Music]

Tony McHugh believed her love affair

with jared baden clay was going to have

a happy ending how wrong she was

now having been the key prosecution

witness at Baden clays murder trial and

having had every intimate detail of her

personal life exposed in court she wants

to explain her side of this terrible

story to the rest of the country I am

still in disbelief to a degree why do

you think he murdered her I'll never

understand how how it could have

happened I don't believe that he

murdered her for me why I say he didn't

he did not kill her to be with me was

that I loved him already he didn't need

to he already had me so if he wasn't

killing for love what was he killing for

he killed for himself

to everyone the Baden clays are a happy

family from brisbin's middle-class

western suburbs Jared and Alison met and

fell in love at work married in 1997 and

had three beautiful daughters life

seemed harmonious and normal scouting is

a global organization which has its core

fundamental in doing unto others as

you'd have done unto you and leaving the

world a better place than you found it

Jared's claim to fame was as a

great-grandson of Lord baden-powell the

founder of the scouting movement and as

this promotional video from a few years

ago shows he clearly enjoyed the

prestige that attracted that's one of my

favorite Scout laws is the Scout is

courageous to have courage in the face

of adversity to make those decisions

that need to be made and that ability to

move on with with life and know that you

have that self-confidence to know that

everything's going to be all right

away from the honorable scouts he was a

real estate agent where again Jared

Baden clays self-confidence and desire

to be the center of attention was

constantly on display

Alison meanwhile got on with being a

wife mother and loyal friend

as Helen Wilson and Nicole Morrison know

all too well what sort of a money with

Alison she was a gorgeous beautiful

caring mum absolutely relieved to be a

mother

she adored her girls yeah what about her

sense of fun did she have a sense of fun

oh yeah yeah she was a both she had the

best laugh because and I'm really

grateful I when I really stopped to

think about her I can still hear her

laugh and I'm really grateful for that

and she laughed so freely and she

laughed often and she laughed at herself

all the time can you believe she's gone

no no it's some of course we believe it

because it's real but yeah yeah for sure

you know um we don't want to believe him

yeah

[Music]

in 2008 jared baden clay met Tony McHugh

she was a client of his and soon after

an employee at his real estate office

how did the affair start I admired him

as a person I really I believed in his

integrity and I guess there was an

attraction did you attempt to fight it

considering that he was married yeah

yeah I think I was attracted to him

probably before I don't know maybe

before it dawned on him so yes I had

[Music]

at the time Tony's 17-year relationship

with the father of her children was

crumbling

Jared provided support and told her

similar things about his own marriage to

Alison and that's what he was telling me

that he was in a marriage that wasn't a

loving marriage that he was only there

for the children for the girls what did

you think your future was with Jared

Baden clay I just thought it would be a

normal future I thought it would be two

people that loved each other did you

think that you'd get married one day he

had told me that he would marry me one

day and you wanted that you want it to

be

mrs. Baden clay I did

[Music]

what did you think of Jared and Alison's

marriage Alison did love him and

obviously we would support anything else

chose to do yeah we felt that she was

too good for him back in there really

early days and she was but she was in

love love is blind hmm yeah why didn't

you like Jared what was it about him we

never liked him from the outset because

he was never authentic he was never

genuine and he was always superior he

always thought he was superior

[Music]

unlike the courageous Scout he pretended

to be jared was a coward when it came to

his relationships with women

for three to four years he'd been

telling Tony he was going to leave

Alison to be with her but he never did

then in October 2011 Alison found out

about the affair and in an instant Tony

was dumped and fired he basically just

said to me I need to see you she knows

and I knew what my fate would be so your

fate was end of affair and end of job

yes but barely two months later jared

was back in touch and up to his old

tricks we met at a coffee shop

he said opposite me held my hand came

into that meeting without his wedding

ring on and he said to me I need you to

know that I love you and that I am going

to be leaving my wife coming up

despite the lives Alison remains loyal

did Alison

she was always going to fix it and the

phone call the jury never heard he said

I'm looking for someone to come home

that's next on 60 minutes

in 1997 Jared Baden clay married beauty

queen Alison Dicky and for a while life

was perfect they started a family and

had three precious daughters but Jared

also started to stray only he knows how

many affairs he had but in 2008

Jared mesh and fell in love with Tony

McHugh then barely a year later a

bizarre incident which police now

believe was an ominous warning that

Alison's life was in great danger

[Music]

Melissa Romano is mighty thankful she

never met Jared Baden clay in person but

back in 2009 they had multiple phone

conversations about a real estate deal

on the Gold Coast

however it's what happened after their

business finished that frightens Melissa

he built rapport very quickly and on one

of the instances he said you know maybe

you should come and work for me I said

that I was very loyal to who I was

working with and he said and his words

were well if you're not interested in

doing that then I've got another job for

you to do and I said oh and what is that

and he said well I'm I'm looking for

someone to kill my wife when you heard

those words what did you do how did you

react I think I kind of held my breath I

was waiting for the part that would make

it make sense but it didn't make sense

so he was very serious and then I said

oh why would you want to kill your wife

and he didn't proceed anymore on it he

changed the subject

with hindsight it's easy to say Melissa

should have reported that phone

conversation to police but in reality

even if she had there was very little

they could do and of course only Jared

Baden clay could predict what would

happen three years later in April 2012

by then they weren't enough hours in the

day for Jared to keep up with his own

convoluted double life his real estate

business was floundering and he owed a

million dollars much of it to friends

and while he claimed a newfound

commitment to his wife he was far from

devoted which distressed Alison's

friends Helen and Nicole I didn't like

the way he treated her and he was

emotionally very very cruel what would

he do well he had told her that he

didn't love her I don't know how you

actually really recover from that every

day there was cruel things being said

about what a horrible dinner you've

cooked how lazy you know she is to not

have clean the house or it's just

degrading or for comments did she do

Dallas I never consider leaving Jared no

that was never an option for al never an

option she was always going to fix it

and it was always going to get better

but what Allison didn't know was Jared

had renewed his affair with Toni McHugh

just two months after promising Allison

it was over for good that affair had

been going for a number of years

Superintendent Mark Ainsworth headed the

investigation into Alison's murder there

was also much evidence of Jared's affair

with Chinese the promises that he'd made

them QED that he was going to be with

her after the 1st of July an email back

from Jared on a matter of days before

Allison's disappearance telling McHugh

that he loved her on three occasions and

that one email with the final sentence

leave it to me Nia what did that mean he

in our view was at the stage of

separating from Allison in starting a

new life with Tony McKee

clearly the 19th of April 2012 is the

most significant date in this tragedy

the events that led to Alison's death

that night most likely started with an

innocuous phone call Tony was driving

home when she and Jared had one of their

regular phone chats but it quickly

became heated when Jared revealed Tony

and Alison would come face-to-face at a

real estate conference the next day up

until this point he hadn't bothered to

tell either of them that total disregard

made a furious Tony questioned their

relationship but Jared once again swore

his love for her and repeated his

promise to leave Alison this would be

the last day

Alison was seen alive

so on the 19th then what were you asking

him about the future of your

relationship

what were you seeking to know and what

did he tell you he was telling me that

that he most certainly didn't love his

wife and that he still intended to leave

his wife but I on that night I said I

just I'm not convinced I don't know what

you are doing to to ensure that we have

a relationship so did you give him an

ultimatum of any sort I said to him you

have to talk to me about how things are

going to change and he said things are

changing do you feel that the pressure

you're putting on Jared to leave his

wife to follow through on his promise to

you could that have pressured him in any

way to murder Alison I wouldn't have no

no my pressure has nah no I've been

patient with the man for years and years

and I was probably pressuring myself if

anything and questioning my own

intentions feeling like you just I just

can't be going down this road again

[Applause]

[Music]

Jarrid Baden clays version of events of

the night is that after the kids were

put to bed

Alison started quizzing him about his

affair because their marriage counselor

had suggested this was a good way to

clear the air on the way go to bed

you're coming

but Jared says after a while he'd had

enough and went to sleep

[Music]

he claims when he worked the next

morning Alison was gone at 7:15 a calm

Baden clay called triple zero

police emergency what's your location

oh good morning Brookfield Brookfield is

the semi-rural

out of Brisbane suburb where they lived

my wife isn't home coming up Alison's

friends immediately suspected Jared I

felt from the start he had done

something too well

I really do

the police move in I knew that they were

in shaving scratches that's next on 60

minutes

Jared Baden clay is a man he'll spin any

yarn to get out of trouble his life is a

web of lies and after murdering Alison

in cold blood true to form he lied to

police but even the master deceiver

himself would have a hard time

explaining those scratches on his face I

don't know where she is

after Jared Baden clay made this call on

the 20th of April 2012 to report his

wife missing the triple 0 operator

arranged for police to go to their home

and when the first officer saw Jared he

immediately called in his superior

sergeant Andrew Jackson the officer that

arrived at the scene said that the

person on the scene had large scratches

to his face officer said that Vaden Clay

had told him that he'd done it shaving

and the officer had said to me that it

didn't look like shaving scratches and

when you saw those scratches what did

you think I knew that they weren't

shaving scratches I think most men who

shave for 20-plus years know what a

shaving scratch looks like and they were

definitely fingernail scratches sergeant

Jackson was immediately suspicious but

it wasn't just the scratches on Jared's

face it did look like someone had made

an attempt to clean the house up before

we had arrived and we did discuss that

did that make sense to you if you're

worried about your missing wife make

sense that the house would be so tired

if my wife went missing it's the last

thing you'd be thinking of us to clean

the house make the bed

[Music]

Andrew Jackson acted quickly and

decisively not only recording his

conversation with Baden clay but also

declaring the house a crime scene and

calling in the help of every available

police officer in the area at one stage

more than 80 of them to get a search

going

what was your gut instinct telling you

look my gut instinct said there was

something wrong we initially thought it

was probably domestic violence to what

extent we didn't know was he agitated

wasn't agitated he was just very

difficult to get answers out of

from the moment police arrived here at

the Baden clay home Jarrod's story just

didn't ring true but even as the search

intensified for his wife he stuck with

it as ridiculous as it was trying to

convince everyone he was the unluckiest

man alive when it came to explaining

away his physical injuries of course

there was the shaving accident with the

blunt razors which had torn his cheek

apart but just the day before this

accident-prone man claimed he'd cut his

hand changing a light bulb and that he'd

been attacked by a caterpillar which had

somehow left red scratch marks on his

chest

as part of this investigation we had the

entomologist that gave expert evidence

in relation to caterpillars in that

particular area but that there were no

caterpillars that could do that exactly

as Baden clay story was unraveling

superintendent mark Ainsworth's team

quickly identified more strange behavior

before he made the call to police to

report his wife missing Baden clay chose

to google very specific and suspicious

legal definitions you've got a man

perceiving to to all and sundry that he

was very concerned about realice and was

and he's doing a check on the ride to

silence does that ring true to anyone

would a normal person do that in those

circumstances I suggest the answer

should be no

today we've got the phone call that she

was missing we knew something really bad

had gone wrong why did you jump to that

conclusion immediately that something

had happened and what did you think it

happened I I felt from the start he had

done something to Al I knew I really

knew it the fact that he could possibly

do it was incomprehensible but

definitely straight up we knew he was

capable of something like that if you

were convinced that Jared had done

something to Alison right in those very

early days did you ever confront him did

you ask him well we didn't want to see

that creature the woman you know is

there any way she committed suicide

absolutely not

she was in there Val ever ever going to

leave her girl so what was your reaction

when you heard Alison was missing no

devastated absolutely concerned I didn't

dislike Alison I never ever wanted

I know I didn't I didn't intentionally

go out to hurt Alison or her family I

honestly believed it was going to be

handled so much just I probably yeah

it's not a good idea for us to talk we

shouldn't talk for a while and we should

lay low on the day Alison was reported

missing Jared told his mistress he was

being investigated by police but it was

their phone called the night before that

really concerned Tony who feared it had

led to Jared and Alison arguing was

there anything you can think of that

triggered it no because I don't want to

be made feel guilty for this at that

moment did you think that Jared might be

involved in some way

no no so what did you think might have

happened to her that she she had run off

you know

and there wasn't any part of you that

was pleased about that that maybe this

might mean your own life with Jaron no

absolutely not oh absolutely not my

first response was did you argue he said

no I felt terrible

I felt that there could have been a

repercussion

do you still feel that I I guess I do

what if we hadn't have had that

conversation coming up the desperate

search to find Allison it kept ringing

and then I heard her voice for the first

time inside the forensic investigation

had found the statement with trips down

to the floor of the vehicle and the

police questioned Tony do you think Tony

Joaquin had anything to do with Alison's

murder that's next on 60 minutes the

disappearance of Allison Baden clay

touched all of Australia and for 11

excruciating days we all hoped she'd be

found alive of course we now know her

husband Jared murdered her sometime

during the evening of the 19th of April

2012 and then dumped her body on the

bank of Kola Creek southwest of Brisbane

despite mounting evidence he was

responsible Jared pretended to be a

grieving husband but police weren't

fooled by his crocodile tears their

investigation was focusing on just one

man

we really trusted that the police are

doing everything they can to find my

wife and we just hope that she'll come

home soon

the police were doing everything they

could to find Alison but Jared Baden

clay wasn't he didn't help in the search

at all I mean it must have looked at

this Pteranodon great job this one it's

not gonna be easy

yeah absolutely which made inspector

Mark Sharkey Lange and his team

extremely suspicious and angry how would

you describe that behavior bizarre I I

cannot believe that somebody who loves

their wife so much and wants her safe

return

wasn't here

we could well do with more coppers like

Sharky Lang a 32-year veteran whose

dedication meant he organized one of the

most thorough searches for a missing

person in Queensland's history

she was well-loved in this community and

just galvanized a community to come

together to search for her I've never

experienced that before and I honestly I

don't think I'll ever experience it

again

the search area was large that terrain

difficult police were also looking for

Allison's phone in the hope it was with

her

it was Sharky's job to call us but he

only ever got her message bank it kept

ringing and then I heard her voice for

the first time and it was just Alison

saying who she was and she couldn't take

the call

and she would get back to us to hear the

voice of this woman I'd imagine you know

she would feel so close you're hearing

her voice and yet you can't find her I

mean that what's that feeling like

messed up

while the search teams were looking for

Allison the scientific teams were

looking for clues at the Baden clay home

acting inspector you and Taylor was the

forensics coordinator so I'm looking at

here the main bedroom area and as we pan

around you see the walking rope he

collected a mountain of photographic and

scientific samples his team didn't find

any blood on the razor blade Jarrod

claimed had cut up his face but

crucially they found it elsewhere during

those first initial days I was contacted

by one of our scientific major crime

unit officers who advised that he had

found a stain in the Captiva he

described the stain to me as contact

smear with drips down to the floor of

the vehicle

testing of Alison's car led to the first

breakthrough in the forensic part of the

investigation police found traces of

blood and a strand of hair here in the

back and soon confirmed they were

Alison's now they just had to find her

as the day's stretched on did you

believe you was searching for a person

or did you think you're searching for a

body no I always felt that I was

searching for Alison alive while Sharkey

was continuing to search for Alison

Jared was continuing to call Toni McHugh

the police are gonna want to speak to

you they know all that wasn't the affair

but taking measures not to be discovered

by using a payphone I think there's

something may have happened to Alison

that she may have met with foul play I

did receive a phone call during police

interview where I was asked can you talk

and I said well no not really

see you got a phone call from him while

you're being interviewed by police

correct what did he want to know he

wanted to know whether I'd told police

whether we were currently seeing each

other I said well yes I have yes I have

told them because that's the truth

because of course he's now saying that

you guys were talking but in his mind

there was no relationship

well I knew in his mind there was

definitely a relationship but what he'd

obviously conveyed to police was that

he'd had an affair and wasn't at the

moment everything was fine in the

marriage at that time and was that the

truth no

do you think Tony McHugh had anything to

do with Alison's murder no I don't and

what do you think of Jared Baden clay

almost suggesting on the stand that

perhaps she might've jared has suggested

a lot of way out theories on the stand

all those theories and stories he's put

there for one particular reason and

that's to protect himself

[Music]

at the time the biggest protection Jared

relied on was the lack of a body but on

the 30th of April 2012 on the 11th day

of her disappearance the search was over

Alison's badly decomposed body was found

by a canoeist at Colo Creek about 13

kilometers from her home

[Music]

it was the worst day for Sharkey who had

to tell Alison's mum and dad Priscilla

and Jeff Nikki it was the hardest call

sorry that's okay that's okay

it was the hardest call I ever made my

life and ever will I think there's

someone with your experience why why was

that so difficult she was the girl next

door she was everybody's daughter sister

mother

[Music]

hundreds of cars crossed the bridge at

Colo Creek every day but underneath it's

a lonely and sad final resting spot

[Music]

and of course this is in the dark of a

nosh in the middle of the night he

brings her body here that's right even

in daylight it's a difficult walk but

mark Ainsworth thinks Baden clay chose

this place to dump Allison in the hope

she would be washed away when the tide

rose in the creek again he got it wrong

[Music]

on that day that her body was found you

were asked if Jared Layden clay was a

suspect and he said you couldn't comment

was he a suspect

then he was he was a person we were

looking at from day one

[Music]

the discovery of Allison's body gave

investigators more vital clues including

most importantly Jarrod's reaction to

the terrible news even before she was

formally identified through dental

records he was making calls to claim his

wife's life insurance policies from my

own investigations he owed in the

vicinity of a million dollars the

life-insurance policy that Allison

Haddad again was in the vicinity of a

million dollars so taking the policy and

claiming the money for the policy would

certainly arise most of his debts that

he had attracted over appeared so on but

how did he think he'd get away with it I

think that's the arrogance of the men of

the person he lived a life of deception

and it was all about Jared

Jared can dispute it as much as he likes

but police believes the scratch marks

Alison left on Jared tell the real story

that she fought for her life as he most

likely smothered her how terrifying do

you think those last moments were for

Alison I can only imagine it would have

been extremely terrifying you only got a

look at the scratches on the side of his

face

do you ever let your mind think about

the events of that night I mean what

actually happened between them no yeah

how did things become so explosive that

yeah Allyson's lost your life what

images do you have through your mind a

woman that's struggling

fighting

the fact that Allison had left him

physically marked like that meant what

to you you're fighting for a life yep

and I'm sort of it sounds weird but I'm

really proud of her because she fought

to the end that is not her I mean she is

so gentle and soft and you know just so

beautiful but for her she was literally

fighting for her life and I would sit

there during the trial and I would sort

of feel so grateful to her that she had

done that and I would look at him in the

trial thinking you know he would be

hating that it was like you know she did

what she had to do yeah coming up and

cracking the case the material was

examined under a microscope how crucial

was that in my view that put the icing

on the cake and the night of the murder

who was looking after the children I

believe that there was a level of

premeditation that was planned my view

was use and life after murder do you

believe that he did kill Alison next on

60 minutes after Alison Baden clays body

was found everyone expected a speedy

conclusion to the case and an imminent

arrest everything pointed at her husband

Jared Baden clay being the murderer

but as strong as the case was it

remained circumstantial so police

ignored mounting public expectation to

deliberately and methodically carry out

their investigation they also had some

great luck in the form of a world expert

botanist who just happen to live in the

Brisbane area

[Music]

dr. Gordon dimer runs the Queensland

herbarium in Brisbane what he can't tell

you about plants isn't worth knowing the

material was examined under a microscope

of course and then identified at

comparing it with known samples here in

the collection

when police found Alison's body

they also found leaves knotted in her

hair they sent them to dr. guma to work

out what they were and where they came

from

he established there were six different

types of plans he could only find two of

the species at Colo Creek but all six in

the Baden play backyard to find the six

species at Allison's home how important

is that in determining where she died

the the fact that we've got six species

in her hair and those expenses are at

her house is sniffing it no doubt and

the fact is where her body was found we

only have two of those six

this particular node shows the rear

patio area and this is where the leaf

matter was found putting the pieces

together

police believe after he killed her

maiden clay dragged Alison across the

back patio before lifting her into the

car dr. Gama was able to largely match

or the botanical material from Alison's

here with the botanical matter which was

in this leaf litter in this area here

how crucial was that to cracking the

case in terms of where Alison was

murdered in my view that put the icing

on the cake and the work that Gordon

Gama did in getting that evidence was

sensational

after a two-month investigation on the

13th of June 2012

police arrested 41 year old Jared Robert

baden-powell Dwight Allison do you have

any doubt that you've got the right man

no doubt whatsoever and as a supervisor

and manager I couldn't have been blessed

with a better team and the commitment of

all those people was second to none and

the result that we've achieved has been

outstanding if you look at his behavior

leading up to Allison's disappearance

what does that tell you about how

premeditated her murder was I believe

that there was a level of premeditation

so it was planned my view is yes the

baton play told the court he couldn't

have murdered and then dumped his wife's

body because he would never leave his

three daughters alone in the house in

the middle of the night

his conviction now raises the question

who was looking after the girls while

Jared was at Kolo Creek Wharf was it all

just another lie I formed the clear view

that Jared Biden cly as a person I

wouldn't trust to take my dog for a walk

[Music]

at the trial Alison's diaries were used

as evidence and revealed she suffered

plenty of heartache but despite Jared's

affair with Tony it's obvious she

continued to love him and was desperate

for him to love her when you look at

those diary notes and you read the

despair she felt do you feel a

responsibility for how sad she was and

lonely she was yes truly yes I accept

that that I I was part of but what I

also know is that if it wouldn't if it

wasn't me it would have been someone

else he would have had affairs with

other other women the court was told

Jared did have affairs with other women

even cheating on his mistress the Baden

play claimed he had no reason to leave

his marriage because all the affairs

even the much longer four-year

relationship with Tony were meaningless

what was it like for you to give

evidence in court it was very hard and

it was hard having to sit opposite him

and have him staring at me constantly

very coldly yeah without without feeling

during his trial Baden clay did the

unexpected finally taking to the stand

to tell his side of the story and it was

implausible his main defense seemed to

be trust me I'm a liar almost everything

I said before was a fabrication but now

I'm telling the truth

like the police in those early days the

jury just didn't buy it

how much contempt you have for this man

I think he's probably one of the lowest

forms of life you could ever meet

he's got a lot dean to do his children

for as they grow up

do you believe that he did kill Alison I

do I believe that he did kill Alison you

do you think he's innocent no no I don't

do you believe that there's any link

between your love affair and the death

of Alison and that's that's that's the

question isn't it it's hard to accept

for me I don't believe so the point that

I want to make is that my affair is with

Jared is one aspect what this has done

to my life really should be seen to be

as insignificant compared to Alison

who's lost her life what do you think

should happen to him now I want this man

to never ever ever into my life ever

again uh you know I there is a part of

me that is genuinely fearful then I have

been involved with a man that is not who

he says he is

and that worries me that terrifies me

for the rest of his life

Jared Baden clay will live with the

consequences of the death of his wife

Alison the woman he murdered but far

more tragically so will their three

young daughters who've now lost both

their mother and their father this is

the last photo we had with her in

Alison's friends Helen and Nicole will

do all they can to share with her

daughters their memory of a vital and

loving woman how will you remember

Alison to her daughter's she was

remarkable and her daughters they got

over such a small amount of time but

they were lucky they had her for the

time that they had will they ever be

able to doubt that their mum loved them

never no no no no she was extraordinary

they must miss her like crazy yeah of

course

they've lost their mum but they've lost

their dad as well yeah and it's not a

normal there's nothing normal about this

and it's I don't understand it as an

adult and I don't know how they would

understand it you know I feel guilty so

many times because my grief as a friend

is enormous and I feel guilty because my

grief is a drop in the ocean compared to

theirs

yeah you can't I can't process it it's a

how can they know

[Music]

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